By this stage, everyone and their mother is familiar with the erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L James. Not only has it become the fastest-selling book of all time, it’s also being credited with reigniting the flames of passion in lacklustre marriages around the globe.
But have you heard about the new book that’s hot on the heels of Fifty Shades? It is absolutely storming the Irish book charts and it centres around the extreme sex life of a twenty-something Irish lady who decided she wanted to go experimenting in Ireland’s underground BDSM sex scene.
Can You Keep a Secret? is a true story about the real-life experiences of ‘Katie Collins’ (not her real name, obviously) a 21-year old Dublin woman who has a sex life that most of us would pale at.
Her.ie sat down and had a chat with ‘Katie’ recently to discover why she decided to write about her adventures and just what, exactly, she thinks about Fifty Shades of Grey.
First and foremost, did you ever think that every little detail of your sex life would end up in a book?
No, sure what woman does? I mean I didn’t even think it was interesting or extreme until the article was written and it got so much interest. Then he [Rob Carry – a journalist and Katie’s co-author] was approached about turning the article into a book and I was like, okay, well maybe it is interesting.
Now that I’m reading it as a book, it’s like: ‘Jesus!’ It almost seems like I’m reading about someone else. It’s just so crazy.
So the book originally began life as an article. Why were you inspired to even do the article in the first place?
I met Rob at a barbeque and we got chatting. He mentioned he was a journalist and I told him about what I did. He said it was really hard to get into BDSM parties to do a story about them and I was like, you know, I don’t mind bringing you and that’s kind of how it started. It was really just me being nice to him, doing him a favour and look what it turned into!
Why were you drawn into the BDSM lifestyle?
I didn’t really look at it as a lifestyle. I didn’t really intend for everything to go the way it did. It just kind of happened. I wanted to try different things and I wanted to do different things, but I didn’t want to have my heart broken at the same time.
I was like right, I need to find a way where I can still do it but not get hurt so I’m getting what I want out of it. It seemed like an easy progression to keep going.
How did you find out about Ireland’s underground sex scene?
I met a girl from Norway, and even though she wasn’t living in Ireland that long, she knew about it. I always thought that people from Scandinavia and Finland tend to know where these kinds of things are because it’s very big in their culture.
She introduced me to this night that was on once and month and you meet people there that know other people. So it’s really just a case of meeting the right people and knowing where to go from there.
But weren’t you nervous the first time you attended one of these nights?
Yeah and not just for the obvious reasons, but for the social side. It’s always nerve-wracking going into a crowd of people in an intimate setting and not knowing them, but I wouldn’t say that I was nervous about the sex part – I was more excited about that bit.
We’re dying to know how do you go about making small talk with someone in that kind of situation? Obviously both of you know what you’re there for. Is it embarrassing?
It’s mostly like, you try to make it a party setting first. You try to look at it as a party first and then whatever happens, happens afterwards.
Were you ever worried about your safety?
I was never really worried, it was all part of the excitement, you know?
Katie’s book is storming up the Irish charts right now.
Have you ever gotten emotionally involved with a casual partner?
No and I wouldn’t even advise it because it’s just not…I’ll be the first person to admit it, it’s not normal. Having to emotionally detach yourself from sex, because it is a natural feeling to have, it isn’t normal.
It’s fun, it’s exciting to get what you want out of it, that’s good but it isn’t normal so to meet someone in these extraordinary, not-very-normal circumstances as a potential life partner, I don’t think it’s good as a starting point.
Okay, we have to ask you an extremely personal question – what’s your number? How many people have you slept with?
There were some parties where you lose count. Like over 10 men at some parties and at small gatherings, it could be with however many guys were there, which could have been like 6 or 7. My number? I couldn’t tell you an exact figure, but it’s over 200.
Do you think that your sex life went out of control when you started dabbling in BDSM parties and experimenting?
It did go out of control, looking back, but at the time I just remember thinking: ‘this is nuts! What am I doing?!’ but I still get such a thrill out of it.
Imagine that you go on a first date feeling amazing and then you have a great time with the guy – it was like that every single time. Well…for the most part.
But did you ever feel used by any of the men you met at these parties?
No, because I was in it for the same thing that they were. Some women go into it not knowing what they want – they feel lonely, they just want company or they think that they’re only in it for the sex bit it’s hard for them to switch off. As long as I got respect, I was happy.
I never felt used because I always got what I wanted out of them.
So would you see these parties as empowering in a sense?
I wouldn’t say empowering, but if a guy sleeps with a lot of girls no one says anything. If a girl does the same thing, she’s labelled a slut – why is that? That’s the only thing that ever bothered me because a boy can do it. Why not let me do what I want to do when I’m not hurting anybody else?
You shouldn’t judge people just because they have sex when they want to do that kind of thing. I’ve never really been a woman’s advocate. I’m all for equal rights and all but I’ve never felt like a feminist or anything like that.
What about your parents? Do they know about the book? What do they think?
My mother knows. My mam is proud of me. She hasn’t read [the book] and she’s not going to read it because she doesn’t need to know the details of it, but she knew from nearly the beginning what I was doing.
She’s saying that it’s not just about the sex, it’s a bit about my life and she’s saying how many people get to write about their life and have thousands and thousands of people read about it and enjoy it, you know? She’s so proud. I think because it shows the progression of how I was a loner, shy and overweight to being someone with balls of confidence and happy with life.
My dad does not need to know.
Are you still attending the parties?
I’m not but you never know! I might go back to it in a couple of years but at the moment I’m kind of focussed on work and I want to go to college next year so at the moment, other things are taking priority but after doing all of that, there’s no way that I can say that I’d never go back to it.
Can You Keep a Secret? by Katie Collins and Rob Carry is out now.
