I’d like to think of myself as very real. What you see is what you get but maybe I need to change that about myself. This week I got to spend a few hours with an Irish beauty. She’s what most lads would call a “roide”. Just standing beside her made me feel like Susan Boyle (without the big voice).
While she was chatting to me I became male. I stared at her eyes and by eyes I mean her boobs, and her perfect pouty lips and long, luscious locks. I told her that her hair was amazing and she said “oh that’s fake”. Without asking her I touched it and it felt so soft and real.
“You just back from holidays?“ I said, still staring at her gorgeousness.
“Oh no that’s fake tan I lashed on last night.”
Now, I’m beginning to think those Bambi like eyelashes aren’t her own either. And I’m correct. She confirms their falseness by telling me how much they cost, where she had them done and even named the therapist.
I’m now checking out every part of her. It sounds creepy but I was looking her up and down like I was a judge at some horse racing ladies day event.
Once I’m finished, I tot up that she has fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake tan, fake nails, HD brows, a push up bra (making them appear bigger) and sky scraper heels (making her even taller).
This is a girl that I’ve heard being described as a “NATURAL BEAUTY”. My arse!!
Having said that she was really sound, funny, and self-deprecating and if I was a bloke Id SO want to… but at the same time, I couldn’t help thinking: how would a lad react the first time he saw you without all the fake stuff? It must be a lot of pressure, not to mention ridiculously expensive to keep that kind of appearance up, especially when it’s your bread and butter.
I know myself the difference a bit of ‘fake’ can make and if we’re honest, most girls do too. There’s something a wee bit dishonest about a wonder bra, heels, false lashes and the like but the confidence buzz they give you is more than a little addictive. There’s also the added pressure of people noticing the difference when you don’t go down the fake route.
‘Oh, your eyes are so lovely and large in this photo but not in this one – what happened?’
Er, I didn’t have crazy expensive lashes on, that’s what happened. Thanks for noticing – not!
So I guess now I know the real meaning of “fake it til you make it!” although for most of us, it’s more a case of ‘fake it until you can’t be arsed to do it anymore and all your cash is spent’. Oh, what a world it would be if you could ‘fake it’ in a nice cosy hoodie and your favourite pair of jeans instead…well, a girl can dream.
