Going through a break-up is always incredibly tough. It seems as though no matter where you go, you’re reminded of your ex and let’s not even get started on the intense mood swings (one minute you love him, the next you hate him… it’s a rollercoaster).
Coping in the aftermath of a break-up is always hard (not to mention upsetting). But there is some light at the end of the tunnel. According to relationship experts, there is a way of easing the pain ever so slightly.
Apparently if you can recognise what ‘stage’ of a break-up you’re in, you can treat yourself accordingly. Experts believe this is a much healthier way to deal with the trauma rather than trying to self-medicate yourself with chocolate or crying to anyone who will listen to you.
How do you know what stage you’re in and how should you cope? Read on and find out how to deal with the three main stages of a break-up…
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“Upset? No, really, I’m absolutely thrilled that we broke up!”
Stage 1: Denial
In the first few days of a break-up, chances are you’ll put on a brave face. You’ll tell everyone it was for the best and act like it didn’t completely shatter their heart. When a relationship ends, there is immense pressure on us to immediately bounce back and embrace our new, single existance. But by denying that there’s a problem, or that we’re actually dying on the inside, we’re making our recovery longer and harder than it needs to be.
How to cope: Don’t hide your feelings. Allow yourself one week to wallow. Tell people how you feel. If they try to cheer you up, simply say that you know you’ll be happy eventually but right now you need to grieve. To be perfectly blunt, something in yourlife has died and you need to grieve as you would if that something was a person or a job. Take the time to feel your sadness, you’ll bounce back faster once you’ve really experienced and expressed your feelings.
“If I ever see that good-for-nothing, lousy a**hole again…”
Stage 2: Anger
You’ve stopped crying and now you’re mad. Really, really, really mad. You want to drive to his house and punch him. You want to break his windows. Simply put, you want revenge. This stage is good because you’re not upset anymore but bad because it can make you do crazy, crazy things that you’ll later regret.
How to cope: Resist the urge to send him an angry email or to post vengeance-filled rants on Facebook. Instead, channel your energy into something positive. Hit the gym or start a new project that will keep you busy. It’s so important to distract yourself during this phase. If you really need to vent, talk to your best friend or write it all down and then rip up the paper. Remember: if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
“One Facebook like won’t seem desperate or sad, will it? WILL IT?!”
Stage 3: Bargaining
After you’ve been split up for a few months, you might think you’re okay but this is when you’re most prone to relapse back into sad or angry thoughts. “Maybe I could just text him once and see how he is,” you’ll think. “Maybe once look at his Facebook page won’t upset me,” you’ll say. For the sake of your sanity, refrain. We can’t stress this enough. If you give in to these feelings two things will happen: you’ll get hooked up on him again and cause yourself even more pain and you’ll start cyberstalking him which is never good.
How to cope: Delete his number, block his email, defriend him on Facebook – give your phone to your friend. Do whatever it takes to stop you from getting in touch with him. There’s an old saying that goes along the lines of ‘out of sight, out of mind’ and it is so true, especially when it comes to break-ups. Ignorance really is bliss in this case. Honestly, how would you feel if you found out he was seeing someone else? Just think about it. It really isn’t worth putting yourself through that.
