Awkward… looks like I’ve only a week to go so!
Yes, I’m heading towards the big 3-0 and thanks to a fertility expert for the NHS last week, I was left feeling a bit inadequate.
In a letter to UK Education Secretary Nicky Morgan last week, Professor Geeta Nargund wrote that women should start their family before the age of 30 or risk not being able to have children at all.
Unfortunately, a number of people used that letter as a basis to criticize those who have not had children at that age.
Like I said, I’m nearly 30. I’m also single which means, in reality, children are not likely to be on my agenda for at least another four years.
And that’s if I meet a man right this second.
Getting to the core of the medical argument, I get it, I really do.
She was warning about fertility issues as women get older. She was warning about complications with birth. And yes, all of that makes sense, and to be honest, the reality of the issue is quite frightening.
I also agree that teenagers should be educated about these issues.
But to be honest, right now, I’m just not ready to have children. And even if I was in a relationship, I still wouldn’t be ready.
Being made to feel like a failure for this decision by others is not all that helpful either. Just because I haven’t fulfilled some people’s ideals of what a woman should do before she’s 30 does not mean that I haven’t done anything worthwhile.
In fact, looking back through my 20s, I’ve got to say I’m pretty proud of what I’ve achieved to date.
I’ve travelled to over 40 countries. I’ve lived in caves, in deserts, in the heart of cities and the peace of the country.
I’ve danced the tango in Argentina and learned the Hakka in New Zealand. I’ve floated in the Dead Sea and driven Route 66. I’ve jumped out of a plane and partied in Vegas.
I’ve fallen in, and out, of love. I’ve lost frenemies and gained best friends for life.
I’ve been a daughter, a sister, an aunt (yay!), a friend, a sportswoman, a journalist, a teacher, a barmaid, a waitress and a milkman (don’t ask).
I’ve dreamed. I’ve explored. I’ve loved. I’ve cried.
Would I have been able to do all of these things and have children? Probably, but definitely not in such a short space of time.
I returned to the Emerald Isle in 2014 after years of gallivanting around the world. I came home and went back to college part-time and through it all, landed a kick-ass job.
Again, I’m not saying it wouldn’t have been possible if I had had children, but it might not have been so easy.
Do I have regrets? Not one.
Will I have regrets when I’m 35? Maybe, and maybe one of those will be not having had children sooner.
The way things are going at the moment, a lot of people take time out to focus on their careers in their 20s before looking to start a family in their 30s.
I’m one of these people and I don’t think it’s the worst thing in the world – even if some experts don’t agree with me.
Is it really anyone else’s business what I decide to do about having children or not? Should the health worries not be my own, as opposed to being open to public debate when I’m out for dinner?
At the end of the day, it all comes down to personal choice and it shouldn’t be a case of what society thinks you should do but what you think is right for you.
I don’t judge those who have had children – in fact being an aunt is quite possibly the best thing that’s ever happened to me and two of my best friends have also had babies (and they are the cutest little human beings in the world).
Has it made me broody? No, but that doesn’t mean I love them any less.
Could I see myself having one in the next 12 months? Honestly? The thought absolutely TERRIFIES me.
I still feel like I have a lot of growing up to do – which might sound ridiculous to those of you who think an almost-30-year-old should have her sh*t together.
Some people might look at me and think it’s time for me to settle down – and perhaps think that I’m a bit selfish for not doing so – but in reality, the thought of being responsible for another human being scares the living daylights out of me.
If possible, I want to wait for the right time for me, not the right time for society.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I’m not ready yet.
Will I be anytime soon? I sure hope so, but to put such a deadline on women’s choice baffles me.
I get the health issues, I understand the risks and here’s hoping that if and when the time comes, I will be able to have kids if I want to.
In the meantime, I do realize I don’t have a big window of time to play with. The thought is pretty scary, terrifying in fact.
But let me brood on that in my own head space and don’t forget, according to the CSO, the average age for having babies in Ireland is now nearly 32… so hopefully, I still have a bit of time to figure it all out!
