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10th Jul 2015

Opinion: “Why Do Men Skip Basic Etiquette Once They Start Online Dating?”

Can the real online gentleman please stand up?


It’s a new dawn and a new day, and most women have given up on the Disney fantasy that Prince Charming is going to pull up in a horse-drawn carriage professing undying love.

In fact, that’s probably a good thing, because if you start with unrealistic expectations your other half is going to find it pretty impossible to ever live up to your standards.

What I do think everyone has the right to expect is a love potential making an effort and not expecting something in return off the bat.

Sure texting foreplay is all part of the fun, but sending a dick pic within minutes of swiping right?

You’re ok thanks. I’d rather stick to the threesome sitting in my kitchen – Mr. Ben and Mr. Jerry have kept me pretty satisfied on plenty of date nights and I wasn’t subjected to hours of small talk for my pleasure.

I want to start by saying that etiquette is a two-way street.

If you’re swipe happy and telling every man (or woman) under the sun that you wouldn’t mind connecting with them for a chat, or something more, you can’t suddenly act surprised or irritated when they start messaging you.

If you haven’t replied five messages later… well then maybe they need to read the signs a bit better.

There was no big moment that shocked me into writing this article. It was actually a series of stories shared by girlfriends over glasses of wine and lunchtime chatter that had me wondering when the etiquette got left at the door.

I happen to be surrounded by some pretty incredible (single) women.

From exciting careers, winning personalities and natural beauty, they’re all a catch in their own right. Nobody is perfect, granted, and I’m probably a little biased but I would’ve assumed they’d all be very datable.

I’ve had evening dinners, weekend walks, girly getaways and seriously wild party nights with some of these ladies.

They’re not shy, awkward or retiring and are fully able to engage in a conversation.

But when it got to their tales of Tinder dating, I had to shove a fork in my mouth to stop it from gaping open.

There was the guy who spent a week propping his ego by teasing the possibility of a date, all to reveal he was just out of a relationship and wasn’t ready to meet anybody IRL (in real life). She was the fun hot girl who made him realise other women would want him. Pity he didn’t decide to fill her in on that until she had to ask if it was going anywhere.

Or the girl who spent a week talking to a guy only to find out he had a girlfriend and obviously a string of commitment issues.

Then there’s the countless guys who think sending a chunk of their junk in a snap is the way to a woman’s heart… after she’s uttered the dirtiest of turn-ons… “Hi”.

Skip ahead to those who actually make it to a date to find their number suddenly becomes redundant if they don’t head home for a dessert that might not necessarily be on the menu.

The worst part? When I offered my shock and words of comfort, they were shrugged off. The men’s reactions weren’t new or offensive. This was typical online-dating and Tinder specific etiquette.

Just this week I wrote a piece on an incredible girl who was sent a rejection email ridiculing her weight from her Tinder date. Her epic response (and refusal to conform to his needs) has made her an online hit.

What broke my heart a little was some of our readers read the piece and could relate. They too had been subjected to some cruel form of feedback that was never necessary or required from ex-dates.

Maybe I’m easily offended. Maybe I’m protective of friends. But signing up to Tinder doesn’t mean you’re giving a veto to any efforts of romance or courting. If you wouldn’t walk up to a woman in a pub and utter these words, or whip out your manhood, maybe leave it off the online dating scene.

Let’s not freak anyone out and admit that maybe, just maybe, some people sign up for more than a quick session of ‘How’s your father’.

Ladies, don’t sell yourself (or your value) short. They say you need to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. It’d just be nice not to have to wade through a short collection of pornography to get there first.