What’s the key to having a great sex? It’s a question that has puzzled sex therapists, relationship counsellors and us mere mortals for years.
What’s the main ingredient? What can we do to ensure that every romp we have is enjoyable and ends with the kind of orgasm that would make E.L. James blush? We have so many questions!
Thankfully people have been asking these questions for a long time and, thankfully, our understanding of sex has grown over the past few decades and centuries.
While we can’t give you the definitive move that will result in mind-blowing sex every single time, we can give you five things that sex experts swear by when it comes to making major improvements in that area. Hey, every little helps right?
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It’s important to communicate with your other half
Don’t be afraid to communicate:
The next time you’re in bed with your partner, take a few minutes to figure out how you’re feeling. Are you happy? Sad? Angry? Worried? Once you’ve established your mood, tell your partner. Ask them to share their feelings with you too.
It sounds simplistic and silly but opening up and being honest, especially in an intimate moment, can bring you closer to your partner and result in closer, more connected sex. Sex when you feel a connection with your partner usually results in stronger, more satisfying orgasms for both parties as well. Oh and communicating in the bedroom will also strengthen your day-to-day relationship.
Try to see yourself through his eyes
Learn to love your body:
We all struggle with body hang-ups but did you know that learning to love your body is THE most important thing you can do for your self-esteem and your sex life? Your body is beautiful and the sooner you realise that the better.
Try not to belittle your looks, instead focus on all the things you like about yourself. Make it a point to feel good about your body. Remember: there is nothing sexier than confidence. Your improved self-esteem will also mean that you’ll accept yourself more and, as a result, enjoy your sex life. If you’re struggling, try to see yourself through his eyes – he thinks you’re amazing and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t think the exact same way about yourself.
Turn off your thoughts and let your senses be your main guide
Let your senses guide you:
In order to have great sex, we need to learn to switch off our brains and become full present in the act of making love. Sex experts advise learning how to lead with your senses and not your thoughts. What this means is that you should tune out the voice in your head telling you what you ‘should’ and ‘shouldn’t’ do and instead focus on what would feel good for both you and your partner. It takes a little practice but once you’ve gotten used to acting on your senses, you’ll see a marked improvement in your sex life.
Figure out what you like and what you don’t like – it will help your partner too!
Know your body:
You’d be surprised at the amount of women who don’t know what they like when it comes to sex. Sex is all about experimentation, so be open to trying new things. Tell your man the places where you liked to be touched, ask him to try touching you in different ways. Hell, when you’re home alone, experiment on yourself. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. Remember: sometimes he will need guidance, if you don’t know your body well enough to give it to him then you can’t blame him for mediocre sex.
Be open to trying new things
Throw away your inhibitions:
When you’re in bed with your partner, it’s important to let your guard down. Great sex is made up of a certain element of risk. This means that you have to be open to experimentation. You have to be open to straying away from your comfort zone a little (well, within reason). Why not introduce a new position into your sexual menu or be daring and dabble with something new (Sex toys? Lubes? Blindfolds? The possibilities are endless!). Be open to the spontaneous, exciting, passionate side of sex and you’ll soon find yourself having spontaneous, exciting, passionate romps with your other half.
