Ending a relationship isn’t as easy as simply shutting a door on that part of you life. Anyone who has ever been through a particularly bad break-up will tell you that it’s a type of pain that lingers.
Even when you’ve gotten over the shock of the split itself, thoughts about your ex, your partnership and all the good times that you had together tend to haunt you.
We all have memories that we think about from time to time but when it comes to failed relationships, constantly mulling them over can be detrimental to our own sense of self-worth and our present love life.
If you’ve been holding onto an old relationship, there’s never been a better time to loosen your grip and just let it go. Here’s how to move on for once and for all.
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It’s important to allow yourself to grieve for the end of your relationship
Grieve: Everything in our lives needs a beginning and an end – it sounds strange but one of the ways that you can break the emotional hold your ex has on you is to cut all contact with him and allow youself to grieve for the end of the relationship
Yes, even if you broke up three years ago, allow yourself to have a final ending. Give yourself three days to completely wallow – deal with all the emotions that you’ve pent up over the past few weeks, months or years and just let them out. This will start the healing process.
Reconnect With Yourself: When we’re fixated on an ex, we sometimes allow our own sense of self to disappear. We become the type of person who we think they’d like. The type of person they might consider taking back.
If you’re serious about letting go for once and for all and moving on, spend time reconnecting with and rediscovering exactly who you are. Do things that you love. Remember that you were a happy, whole person before he came along and try to get that back. Think about your hopes, dreams and desires for the future. Invest in making yourself happy – you won’t regret it.
Remember The Bad As Well As The Good: Everything looks good in retrospect and when we break-up with someone we tend to remember all the good things, rather than the bed. This paints an unrealistic, idealistic version of our ex and makes it harder for us to move on.
Try writing down all the things you hated about the relationship or all the ways in which he hurt you. Read this every time you start viewing the past with rose-tinted glasses and realise that you’re better off without him.
Instead of dwelling on what happened, use your time to reconnect with yourself
Identify What You Learned From The Experience: Behind every heartbreak there is a powerful lesson, even if it doesn’t seem like it. Sit down and have a think about your relationship and try to pin-point what your time with your ex taught you. Did it teach you to take things slow? To express yourself in relationships?
Finding the lesson will help you to develop a sense of closure so you can move on and also help you to avoid making the same mistake again in the future.
Inspire yourself: Find a sheet of paper and write the following on it in huge letters: “Loving myself means letting go.” Read or say this statement every day or every time you’re tempted to get in contact with your ex.
Remember letting go will not only help you to feel happier but it will also open you up to new experiences, new opportunities and new love.
There’s a famous quote which goes along the lines of:“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.”
Let go of your ex and free up some space for yourself today.
