How Bra-zarre: Man Accuses Woman of Trying to Kill Him With Her Boobs

Did you know that you’re walking around with a pair of potentially deadly weapons attached to your body? No, we didn’t know either until we heard this insane news story from Germany.

A lawyer is accusing his former love of trying to kill him by smothering him with her 38DD boobs. Words fail us, they really do…

Metro reports that Tim Schmidt, a lawyer from Germany, is claiming that his former friend-with-benefits Franziska Hansen wanted to kill him because she was jealous of his successful career. But wait, it gets even better (or weirder, depending on how you look at it).

The lawyer is claiming that Ms Hansen tried to smother him to deal with her boobs by “pretending it was a sex game.” It goes without saying that Ms Hansen has denied the charge of “attempted manslaughter with a weapon” that she is currently facing.

“The incident happened in May – we were having sex. She was sitting on me naked and I was kissing her breasts. Suddenly she grabbed my head and pushed [it] between her breasts with all of her force,” Mr Schmidt told a German court.

“I couldn’t breathe any more, I must have turned blue. I couldn’t tear myself free and I thought I was going to die,” he added.

Breasts - mother nature's deadliest weapon, apparently

The lawyer then said that he eventually managed to free himself from Ms Hansen’s boobs and fled, completely naked, to a neighbour’s house (we’re sure said neighbour was absolutely thrilled). Apparently the neighbour instructed him to ring the police.

Okay, we know that a DD cup is above the average breast size, but we’re a little sceptical that you could actually kill a full grown man with your boobs. Although, in fairness, at least the poor chaps would die happy. What do you think ladies?