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23rd Apr 2013

Growing Up Is Hard: 12 Signs You’re Not As Young As You Used To Be

If you've experienced any of the following signs you're officially old and no longer 'hip.' Sad face.

Growing up is hard. All of a sudden your carefree teenage years are behind you and you have to start worrying about things like rent, food and tax. Boo hiss!

Yep, the ageing process is no craic whatsoever. You want to know one of the worst things about it? It sort of creeps up on you. One day, out of the blue, you have the realisation that you’re actually old now. And it sucks.

Here are 12 common signs that you’re not as young as you used to be. If you’ve experienced any of the following, you’re officially old and no longer ‘hip.’ Sad face.


12 Signs You’re Not As Young As You Used To Be

MTV leaves you feeling slightly lost and confused…

1. You have no idea who is on MTV: Before you could switch on MTV and instantly name the band/reality TV show/hyper presenter. Now? Now you just fumble with the remote until you manage to change channels. Why? MTV is too colourful and loud for your senses. Ain’t nobody got time for all those flashing lights and blaring music.

2. Your once-favourite foods now make you feel sick: Your favourite dinner used to consist of a bowl of Coco Pops covered in chocolate sauce, ice cream, chips and sprinkles. If you ate that now you’d be suffering from severe “digestive issues” for at least a week. Shudder.

3. You can’t stay up past 10.30pm on a work night: If you’re feeling brave and stay up until 11pm you just know you’ll end up regretting it when your alarm goes off in the morning. You need your eight hours of sleep damn it!

4. Your hangovers are horrific: When you were in your early twenties you could go out drinking five nights a week and totally make your 9am lecture in college the following morning. Now if you go out and have five drinks in one night you’re bedridden for an entire day. When did hangovers get so vicious?!

BRB. Need disco nap STAT!

5. Disco naps are your friends: If you’re planning a night out with your crew you have to indulge in a half-hour-long disco nap before you even attempt to get ready. Not only does this boost your mood, it also ensures that you don’t fall asleep on the dancefloor at 11pm…

6. You’ve started to find grey hairs: Whether they’re on your head or up your nose, you’ve found at least one grey hair in recent months. We hate to say it but it’s all downhill from here…

7. You’ve used the phrase “back in the day” numerous times: Mostly to illustrate the point that things were so much better when you were growing up in the 80s. You scoff at 90s children. Sure they don’t even know how much awesome stuff they missed out on!

8. You like hanging out in “older” places: Instead of trendy nightspots you favour long meals in an ambiant restaurant where you can actually hear what your friends are saying to you. You’ve changed.

Of course I can see the stage from way back here…

9. You stand at the back when you go to a gig: Because let’s be honest, you just can’t mosh/crowd surf the way you used to. You always swore you’d never become “one of the boring people at the back” but low and behold, you’re totally one now. Sigh.

10. You worry about wearing a short skirt: You don’t even need your da to ask ‘Are you seriously going out like that?’ because you ask yourself that now. Whenever you wear a short skirt you get paranoid that someone will accidentally see your pants. Morto.

11. You just don’t ‘get’ music anymore: Back in your day they had real instruments like guitars and drums. Nowadays they just have thumping noises and Will.I.Am going ‘LET THE BEAT DROP!!!’

12. You’re turning into one of your parents: All of a sudden you’re developing certain characteristics that you associate with your mammy or your da. Welcome to Oldsville. Population: you.