It’s official – you don’t want to find your soulmate, just someone you can really love.
A new study from NYMag.com’s Science of Us report, proves that being in a relationship with your soulmate can actually hurt your chances at finding a long-term love.
The study found that couples who feel destined by fate to stay together often leads to higher dissatisfaction when conflict arises.
Led by University of Toronto professor Spike W.S.Lee, the study had two different groups who had been in their current relationships for at least six months. The first group was exposed to several phrases that referred to the idea of soul mates,
The study primed two different groups consisting of individuals who’d been in their current relationship at least six months with two different messages—one group was exposed to several phrases that refer to the idea of soulmates using terms “we are one,” “my better half,” “made for each other,” while the other group was presented with ideas that alluded to the journey of a couple: “we’ve walked together,” “a long trail,” “look how far we’ve come.”
Afterwards participants were asked to write down two bad memories or two good memories they’d shared with their partner, then rate how satisfied they were in their current relationships.
The exercise found that those on the team promoting love rather than soulmates rated their relationship higher on the satisfaction scale compared to those in the soul mate camp where they shared negative memories.
Professor Lee, who analysed the results told The Science of Us, said the results focus on the
Idea for the soulmate group that your other half is your fated other half, you believe you “should have perfect harmony, no conflicts whatsoever. When reality proves otherwise, as it almost inevitably does, it hurts all the more.”
The other downfall of the soul mate mantra? Apparently you’re more likely to kiss and break up than fight and make up if you’re touting the soulmate mantra.
Benjamin Le, chair of the department of psychology at Haverford College and a co-founder of the site Science of Relationships:
“There is research that shows that people who believe in “destiny” put less effort into working through relationship conflict. The idea here is that if we are soul mates, then nothing will go wrong in our relationship, and it will be easy.
“A conflict makes a destiny-believer question whether the current partner is actually their soul mate, and then they give up on working it out.” Meanwhile, people who believe in growth, “see a disagreement as an opportunity for the couple to grow closer as they work it out together.”
So forget the Noah and Ali analogy, we’re on the hunt for our Ross and Rachel affair.
