11 things you’re likely to hear in every Irish house this Christmas

One of our favourite things about Christmas is how completely predictable it is.

If your house is anything like ours, you'll keep to the same routine, watch the same movies, eat the same meals and have the same squabbles over who cheated in Monopoly. And, of course, you'll hear quite a few of these... “Hurry on or we’ll be late for Mass!” Even in the most organised house, there’s always one person who is still getting ready while the rest of the family are at the door waiting to leave. God forbid you’d shame the family by arriving late and having to sit at the back. “Is it too early to open the wine?” After lunch may be the sociably agreed time to crack into the drink on a normal (non working!) day but Christmas has rules all of its own. Our opinion? It’s never too early to open the wine. “Tidy up that wrapping paper before the neighbours arrive in!” You may plan to spend the whole morning in your pyjamas using the younger members of the family as an excuse to play Lego but your mam will usually have different ideas… “Do we have enough biscuits?” There may be more tins of USA in the sitting room than in your local branch of Tesco but this doesn’t stop a mad panic over the fact that all the nice ones might be gone by the time the relations drop in… “What time is dinner going to be ready?” Getting up at the crack of dawn will leave you with quite the hunger by 1pm but like all things of greatness, that Christmas feast takes time. A half an hour later, this usually turns into an appeal of ‘Stay away from that selection box, you’ll ruin your dinner!’ from the chef. “Will one of ye get up and make the stuffing?” It’s practically impossible to get motivated to help when the lure of the couch and Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is so strong. “Sure we’ll get out the Monopoly.” Once dinner is done, the boredom starts to set in and a board game is your only man. It is also guaranteed to kick off World War III when someone starts cheating. “Who left the wrappers back in the Roses tin?” Unforgivable. And there’s always one! “Would you two stop fighting?” Something about spending Christmas at home seems to send us back to childhood and squabbling with our siblings over who owns which selection box. Even Kofi Annan couldn’t solve that one peacefully. “Don’t forget to switch over for Eastenders!” You may not watch an episode the rest of the year but the soap Christmas special is the cornerstone of a lazy Christmas Day. “Who’s for a turkey sandwich?” We predict that you’ll be hearing this one A LOT. And the only acceptable answer is ‘yes please!’