Going to the doctor is never fun. You walk in feeling miserable and you leave feeling even more upset because your doctor has just told you that wine is not a suitable substitute for an antibiotic (boo hiss!).
If only doctors were a bit more craic, right? We know! Thankfully there is a “doctor” floating around on the internet who has a new way of treating illness. And no, he’s not Dr. Nick from The Simpsons.
Meet the unnamed doctor whose advice has been taking the internet by storm since 2010. We think he’s a bit of a legend, although we’re required by law to tell you that you should NEVER take his advice instead of going to a proper doctor if you’re feeling a bit sickly. This is purely for the LOLs (and completely tongue-in-cheek).
Unnamed internet doctor gives some amazing medical advice (NOT!)
Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats and that’s it. Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer – it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy, distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: no pain… good!
Q: Aren’t fired foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How geting more vegetable be bad?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stoomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!! HEL-LO-O!!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me?
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!
I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways (Chardonnay in one hand, chocolate in the other) with your body totally used up and worn out and screaming: “WOO-HOO! What a ride!!!”
Well said unnamed internet doctor, well said.