Yesterday one of the shorter members of the Her.ie team decided to document the trials and tribulations of life for someone who is vertically challenged. So we thought it only fair that the longer members (all two of us) list out the problems tall people have that those smaller folk will never understand.
1. Welcome To My Breasts.
It is simply impossible for a tall woman to give anyone a hug without it looking like she is attempting to breast feed them.
2. “How’s The Weather Up There?”
You’re hilarious. Did you think of that all on your own? Because we’ve never heard that before. Ever.
3. “They’re Lovely Three-Quarter Lengths.”
Trousers will always be short. Pyjamas will always be at half mast on the calf and tracksuits bottoms… Your entire runner and socks will always be seen. Oh and a mini skirt will look like a belt.
4. Playing In The Park Was Never Any Fun.
Seesaws just didn’t workout that well for you, your legs always touched the ground. And those swings that you had to sit into were a complete no-no.
5. Group Photos Are A Nightmare
Standing alongside shorter people will make you look like a monstrosity.
You will always be positioned at the back or very edge which can mean two things.
1) You will be cut completely out of the photo. 2) Your head will be cropped but at least your body will still be there.
6. Small Cars Hate You.
Madonna sings a song about driving her Mini Cooper while “feeling super duper”, this will never happen for you, because your knees hit the dashboard in small cars… you could almost steer the wheel with them.
7. “Get In The Back And I’ll Sit On Your Knee.”
Remember this from when you were a kid?
8. “You’re Tall For A Girl…”
What is that even suppose to mean?
9. You Will Be Used As A Landmark.
You are to friends on a night what a lighthouse is to a Captain on a ship… Friends will use you as a go-to point.
There’s never any chance of you getting lost.
10. Short People Have The Yellow Pages.
If a woman is smaller than a man it’s “cute” and she can always wear heels. When a woman is taller than a man it’s all kinds of awkward. All kinds.
11. You Can Never “Hide” When You’re Having An “Off Day”
If you’re having a bad day there really is no chance of being able to hide. Wearing a hat and putting on a pair of sunglasses might work, but not when you’re tall… You simply cannot be missed.
12. “Can You See Them?”
Whether you like it or not you will always be used a s a spotter. Friends will ALWAYS ask you to look for the person missing from the group. It is something you must accept and deal with.
13. “Are You Playing Footsie With Me?”
No, our legs just stretch that far across, that’s all.
14. You’ll Always Be Old Before You Time.