A date: found on a calendar or a small sweet fruit. A first date: something that strikes the fear of god into any single woman.
The first social outing between two unattached people should be something to look forward to, a great new experience, but sadly it is the complete opposite.
Here are the eleven stages that the majority of women experience before that awkward initial meet and greet on a first date.
Breathe people, breathe…
Stage 1 – Stalking Is A Strong Word
We’re not fond of the word ‘stalk’, we prefer the term, ‘active watcher’.
A detailed background check is a must before any date with a potential suitor.
Stage 2 – Ex Factor
It is important to know just a little about your date’s ex, (for safety purposes, obviously).
NOTE: Sometimes it is handy to know the whereabouts of their ex, if they’re in the country or not.
Stage 3 – “But What If…”
You create ridiculous scenarios in your head that will never, ever, happen. Ever.
Stage 4 – Preen. Pamper. Preparation.
You begin to prepare for the big event.
Shaving foam. Check. Razor. Check. Wax Strips. Check. New underwear. Check.
Stage 5 – One Drink, Be Grand
Nothing calms the nerves quite like a little tipple. So purchase a carry out, because a quarter bottle of wine isn’t worth the money.
Stage 6 – Code Words
You devise a few handy code words with friends. Subtle. He’ll never be able to work out what IML stands for.
Stage 7 – Phone A Friend
You ask a friend to keep an eye out on their cellular device incase you need to be bailed out.
Yes, because a phone call or text will solve all of your problems.
Stage 8 – #IrishGoodbye
The nerves begin again so you discuss how the best way to exit the scene would be if that friend is unable to ring… “Where are the toilets?”
Stage 9 – You Need A Night In
You’re ready but you try to convince yourself that you don’t need this night out.
It has only been 17 months since your last date, not that you’ve been counting or anything.
Stage 10 – From Hero To Zero
You pick faults that aren’t there while thinking about your future and things ‘down the line’.
What if he falls in love with you? Do you want a boyfriend? Could you break his heart? Where would you both live? And finally…
“No, he’s too nice,” said every woman ever.
Stage 11 – “Ahhhhhhh, I’m going on a date.”
Butterflies. Butterflies everywhere…
Ladies, it is never as bad as it seems. Lets all try switch the self-destruct mode to ‘off’ for 2014.
