It didn’t start too well. When you got up this morning, the heating hadn’t come on and the room was absolutely freezing. Having a shower was a test of endurance. Then you realised you were out of milk so no tea for you. You didn’t have time for lunch in work and by the time you were on the way home you just wanted to crawl into the corner of your bed and rock back and forth in the foetal position.
We’ve all been there but it’s your reaction when you walk in the door that really displays how you feel. This is how your other half/housemate/parents/family might read it hasn’t been the best day ever.
1. You go straight to your bedroom.
There is no time for chit-chat and pleasantries, this is a CODE RED situation. You need to take your bra off and you need to not have to talk to people for at least a half an hour. Human contact should be limited from this point onward. It’s safer that way.
2. When you re-emerge, you are wearing your pyjamas.
Honestly,why do people wear clothes when they go home? That will be your attitude this evening and god help anyone who even THINKS about mentioning what time it is and isn’t it a bit early for your nightwear. Back away, people. Back away.
3. There is no need for actual dinner, you will head straight for the chocolate.
Chocolate will make me feel better, won’t it? If not, copious amounts of it will certainly taste good if nothing else. Dinner? Did you not see I am in my pyjamas? THIS IS A CODE RED!
4. You will try to sidestep any possibilities of conversation.
You see this face? This face says: do not speak to me. Unless it’s an emergency. Even then, just don’t speak to me. Communicate through the white board provided for these emergency situations.
5. You spend a lot of this time sighing.
Have you picked up that I am in a bad mood yet? Fine. I will continue sighing, swearing and slamming presses until you understand the severity of the situation.
6. You sit down and watch the programme that is DEFINITELY going to make you cry.
Grey’s Anatomy? That’ll do.
7. You decide to order takeaway.
You have just consumed half of your body weight in chocolate but now it’s time for round 2. Meat Feast? YES PLEASE! PUT EVERYTHING ON THERE!
8. After food, you disappear back to your room and throw yourself back under the duvet.
Look, we should just chalk this all down to experience. Next time, just put the chocolate BESIDE the door on the way into the house and please, please make sure to just back away. BACK AWAY.