When it comes to men, most of us have a certain type. Some of us like them tall and dark, some of us like smooth talkers and some of us are a sucker for a man that can make us laugh.
Having a type is all well and good but do you tend to get involved with the same ‘type’ of man over and over again even if, deep down, you know that this type isn’t exactly good for you? Do you sometime feel like you’re getting involved with your ex only this time he’s a little taller or has a different haircut or different eyes?
We think you know what we’re getting at here and we have to ask the question: why on earth do so many of us keep picking men who will eventually break our hearts?
There are a few common reasons why we just keep on going back to the same type of relationship…
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You’re drawn to the familiar: As humans, we’re programmed to find comfort in familiar things. Why? Because once we learn how someone works, we feel as though we know how to deal with them. We’ve already mastered the challenge of being with a specific type of person, so when we meet someone who has similiar characteristics to our ex, we feel comfortable. We feel as though we’re naturally drawn to them.
Dysfunctional relationships are attractive: When we fall for someone, most times it’s because they meet a subconsious need in us. We may not even be aware of this need and the problem is that it can create an unhealthy relationship. For example, if you’re subconsciously bored with your own life, you may find yourself drawn to drama kings because they make you feel alive. If you’re subconsciously shy, you may find yourself being drawn to a smooth talker.
These dynamics fulfil our subconsious needs but the reality is that the relationship itself is usually volatile and hard to cope with.
Are you guilty of returning to the same relationships over and over again?
Low self-esteem: Deep down you know he’s not right for you.Your family and friends have told you he’s not right for you. But you just can’t bring yourself to dump him. Believe it or not, many people prefer staying with someone who doesn’t treat them well because they don’t want to be alone or don’t feel confident that they’ll manage to attract another partner.
Abuse: Abusive partners have a way of getting into your head and making you believe that you’re stuck with them, no matter what you do. They blame you for everything and suck the life out of you so you feel trapped and too exhausted to fight back.
If you keep finding yourself in abusive relationships or if you keep returning to an abusive partner, it’s important that you do something about it. Remember: it is never okay for another person to harm you in a relationship. Seek help.
So now I know the reasons, how do I break the cycle?
You can try going for men that you normally wouldn’t go for. Or you can try speaking to your friends. Tell them that you’re trying to kick your habit of going out with dysfunctional men. Ask them to set you up.
Finally, if you’re feeling brave or think think that you might have some deeper issues when it comes to relationships, speak to a counsellor or another health professional who may be able to help you break the pattern on a subconscious level.
