There’s only 21 days / 504 hours / 30, 240 minutes remaining until we celebrate the birth of Jesus by exchanging extravagant gifts with people that we don’t even really like a good 360 days of the year – it is tradition, who are we to break it?!
This day three weeks you’ll be lying back on the couch after a feed of turkey, seconds, wine, pudding, turkey and cranberry sandwiches, tea, trifle, Cadbury’s Roses, and shared your fair share of bad jokes and embarrassing tales.
Maybe, just maybe, your Christmas dinner will have passed by without a hitch or an argument.
It’s time to keep calm and get your sh*t together, Christmas is just around the corner… Here’s a list of 21 things you’ll need before the big day.
1. Christmas Underwear
Everyone needs to greet Saint Nicholas and ring in the New Year in a new pair of briefs. It’s the least we could do for the man considering he dragged his sack down the chimney. Sack of presents, obviously. MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER, PEOPLE.
2. The Christmas Coat
Your ‘Sunday Best’ simply isn’t good enough and the neighbours need to know you’ve upped your game from last year.
3. Christmas Mass Outfit
Because you need something good for under that good coat.
4. Festive Pyjamas
The fleeced variety from Penneys. Splash out like the mad yoke that you are and purchase the matching fluffy socks while you’re at it.
5. Mistletoe
No single woman should leave the house without it. Seize every opportunity of a shift this Christmas.
6. Tin of Roses
It isn’t Christmas without a standard tin of Cadbury’s Roses underneath the tree.
Note: People that put the empty wrappers back in the tin, you are the worst.
7. A Cinnamon Candle
If you skimp on the decorations this year at least it will smell like Christmas.
8. Guinness
Six packs that sit there all Christmas for ‘the visitors’… that never call.
9. Crackers
We’re fond of a bad joke and who doesn’t love a miniature torch keyring?
10. Matching Hat And Scarf
The last time you wore a hat and scarf was in fifth class, but it feels like the right thing to own.
11. Fresh Cream
Sure you can never have enough fresh cream. A drop in the vegetable soup (because it’s fancy and you do fancy things at Christmas), the trifle and, of course, the Irish coffees.
12. Brandy Cream
For when the fresh cream runs out.
13. Order The Turkey
This bird is a necessity in every kitchen Christmas day.
14. Potatoes
You need to ensure your dinner consists of every type of potato, start stocking up now.
15. Two Puddings
One for the house and the other for ‘the visitors’.
16. Selection Boxes
That you’ll hide from yourself and find next year.
17. The Good Tin Of Biscuits
You can always rely on a tin of Fox’s Classics or the nice Scottish shortbreads.
18. Snowballs And Teacakes
For when the fancy biscuits run out.
19. Shloer
It is simply not Christmas if there is no Shloer. End of story.
20. Michael Bublé’s Christmas CD
You buy it every year. It’s not Christmas without a collection of played out Christmas tunes from the world’s smoothest crooner.
21. The Christmas Haircut
It’s been spectacularly featured in every annual family photo. It’s a tradition.
