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Published 20:00 5 Aug 2015 BST
Updated 15:03 5 Aug 2015 BST
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“Are you okay?”
We were okay, up until about five minutes ago when you asked us if we were, and now we’re annoyed that you’ve asked. Of course we’re okay. Sure what’d be wrong with us?
“My mammy does a lovely roast dinner.”
That may be all well and good, but please don’t tell us that when we’ve slaved over a hot stove in our attempt to make you some food. You might just find it landed in your lap.
“You’re hardly off to Penneys again?”
Yes, yes we are. And there’s not a thing wrong with it. So now.
“You look grand.”
We don’t want to look just grand. We were going for stunning, beautiful, drop dead gorgeous if you will.
“Potatoes, potatoes, and top of the morning to ya...”
This one is for all you non-Irish lads out there who are taking a cheeky peek at this. We do not, and we repeat, do not appreciate someone taking off the Irish accent in such stereotypical fashion. At least try doing a phrase we’d actually use.
“Do you come here often?”
Will fall on deaf ears. Irish girls need a bit of creativity when it comes to chat-up lines and that one is a definite bore.
“I told you not to wear them...”
Said as we are taking off our shoes on a night out. Yes, yes. We know. But look how pretty they are!
“Sharing is caring.”
No it’s not. Not when there’s Tayto involved. Get your own.
“I didn’t think you’d want to watch the match...”
Eh. Why the f**k not? It’s championship season people. Where’s our invitation?
“Why are you crying? He’s a fictional character.”
What are you talking about?!! It’s Darryl Braxton. And he’s leaving. Things will never be the same again. Ever.
“Oh sure you don’t need tan.”
Um... Have you not SEEN the colour of our legs when we wear that dress?!Life
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