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Life

24th Jun 2014

10 Things… That Will Make You Feel Really Old

No. Just no.

Sue Murphy

Well, you know, it’s time to admit it. It all adds up, you’re just getting old and before you know it, you’re going to be running into your front garden and shouting at kids to keep the noise down. Here are ten things that will just bring that home. In fact, this may just make you feel really old.

1. Declaring your age.

There are some websites that will ask you to declare your age when you are logging on. There is nothing more soul-destroying than having to scroll down… and down… and down some more to finally find your actual year of birth. Screw this, I didn’t need to get on to this site anyway.

2. When someone asks you the year of your birth…

“What’s the year of your birth?”

“198… forget it. Just forget it. I’m going home to eat and cry.”

3. Getting confused by your phone.

How do I… how do I turn this bloody thing on? Oh, right. How do I send a message? IT SAVES THE MESSAGES! That’s amazing. No, I have no idea how to do anything else. Hand me a Nokia 3210 please.

4. Criticizing clothes the young ones are wearing.

She will catch her DEATH in that. IS THAT A SKIRT? Good lord, thought it was a hankie.

5. Developing an irrational fear of teen discos.

Oh no, teen disco. REVERSE! GET US OUT OF HERE! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!

6. Giving out about music.

This is JUST NOISE!

7. Opting for the couch on a Saturday.

You used to be cool you know. You went out and stayed out partying until Monday. Now? Well, you’re lucky to make it to 10pm without dozing off.

8. Preempting the hangover.

No, sorry. I can feel that hangover just by looking at that drink. We’re done here, we’re done.

9. Worrying about a pension.

Yesterday, all your troubles seemed so far away and now they’re here to stay… Because you’re old. You need a pension.

10. Complaining about ailments.

Lord, it must be cold. I can feel it in my bones this morning.

Honorary mention.

Pop Stars.

What age are they, like, 12?

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10 Things