‘I don’t know if I want kids but society has already made the decision for me’

Kat O'Connor

Deciding to have kids isn’t a choice that should be made lightly

My 30th birthday is just around the corner and as excited as I am to channel my inner Jenna Rink, I can’t help but feel immense pressure to suddenly have two kids and a mortgage.

Being 30 may feel a little overwhelming, but everyone has said your thirties are an incredible decade, well almost everyone. I’ve noticed an increase in people making remarks about my plans to have kids, which is wild given the fact that I’m someone who says things like ‘in my Jenna Rink era’. I’m not ready to have children yet, but I’m also not sure if I want to have kids. I know it sounds drastic, but it’s not something anyone should rush into. I find myself trying to picture my life as a mam but there are so many other versions of me I want to me before that.

But then the remarks start to build up and weigh you down.

‘The clock is ticking’

‘You better up and start popping them out’

‘It’s time to start getting serious about starting a family’

‘You’ve had your career, don’t you want to have kids soon?’

I know most people don’t mean any harm by these comments and their attitudes are likely just different from mine, but it still stings. It can make you feel like you’re not living your life properly because you’re missing certain aspects of it. It also makes you feel incomplete because you haven’t ticked these standard life boxes society sets for you from day dot.

I like focusing on my career, I love being able to live for me and me only. But I also love the idea of having a mini-me one day and have a list of baby names jotted down on my phone that I love. It’s a huge step, one you can’t reverse too, but it’s not one I want society to make for me. Becoming a parent is a role that we shouldn’t take on just because your aunt thinks it’s the right thing to do. It’s something you should do because you’re ready and because you’re committed to it.

Whether I decide to be child-free or have three adorably named kids, the decision should be mine and not that of a generation who believes a woman must have children.

Why should I have to make life-altering decisions because it’s ‘the right thing’ to do in society’s eyes?

Why, in 2024, do we still expect women to pause their lives to have a baby? Am I less of a person if I choose not to have children? Am I a better person if I decide I would like to have a child when I’m 35? My life is still rich and full of love even though I don’t have kids yet. Maybe I’ll change my mind one day but I’m happy with how my life looks right now. Being child-free doesn’t mean you are lonely or less than someone who has kids.

Stevie Nicks summed it up perfectly when speaking about the controversial topic: “I don’t feel alone. I feel very un-alone.”