This is one of those topics that is incredibly difficult to approach. Naturally, in relationships, there are highs and lows and times when things get fairly muddy.
A recently married man has taken to Reddit to share the story of his relationship and how his wife’s sudden weight gain is impacting both their lives.
User packageturtle writes today:
“My wife Jenna and I met in college. We dated for a bit and then got married 2 years ago. When we met, Jenna was 5’9 and 160-165 pounds. It’s the upper range of ‘healthy’ for her height, but she carried it well and had a lovely figure.”
He writes that during their time in college, they both frequently worked out and due to their low incomes, infrequently ate out.
Now 27, he explains that they moved to a nice area, got married and have good jobs.
“But now, we started eating out all the time and could afford to make big, fancy dinners at home whenever we felt like it,” he says.
Continuing, the poster explains that 6 months into that lifestyle, he quickly realized it was having negative effects on his appearance and decided to opt for a healthier way of living. He says that while his wife was keen to change in the beginning, she soon fell into her old patterns of eating.
Unsure of how to approach the topic, the man bought a scales and left it in their bathroom.
“I noticed the weight creeping on for her but didn’t want to say anything because I know it’s a very sensitive topic, and I was hoping she would snap out of it like I did. It didn’t happen for a few months, but I could see her starting to dress a little more modestly and not be so eager to go to social events where dressing up was expected. I eventually just bought a scale and left it on the bathroom floor. Literally the next morning my wife comes to me in tears saying that she stepped on the scale and it said ‘192 lbs.’ She was very upset and I saw it as a sign that she was going to buckle down and change her lifestyle,” he writes.
Again his wife bought healthy foods, renewed her gym membership and made valiant attempts at a healthier lifestyle. But again, she quite after a few days.
Now it has gotten to the stage where a year has passed and she is still putting off her healthy diet.
He continues to say that her weight gain has made her reluctant to socialize.
“A lot of our college friends live in the same city and my wife is often too embarrassed to see them,” he reveals. He also states her opinion about her body has lessened their sex life.
“We went from sex 5 nights a week (during dating, engagement, and first few months of marriage) to lights-off sex once a week because she’s so embarrassed of her body,” he writes.
Sadly, he concludes by revealing that her change has out a huge strain on their marriage and that he has started thinking of her as a friend rather than a wife.
“I tell her I love her and it’s beautiful, but it’s reached the point where I don’t feel like initiating [sex] because I’m no longer attracted to her. I really don’t know where to go from here. Otherwise, she’s a really sweet, funny, smart, wonderful woman but she’s becoming more of a best friend than a wife.”
The poster asked anonymous users for their advice and how he can best approach the subject with his wife.
Most commenters agree that the man is justified to feel the way he does.
Some commenters even share their own experiences and reveal that while the truth is harsh, it is necessary to promote a better lifestyle.
“Believe me, she knows she’s fat and needs to lose weight. But right now, she’s still self-medicating. She feels hopeless right now. She’s reached a point where she’s saying, “Fuck it, I’m already fat. Might as well get a burrito.” It’s easier right now to eat than to exert self-control,” writes whenifeellikeit.
“I’m saying all of this because I’ve gone through it. My husband brought me through to the other side, though. He simply kept being concerned for my health. He voiced concern for my health regularly, but not while I was eating or doing something unhealthy. He reserved those conversations for later, when we were in a neutral situation spending time together, and not when I was actively eating or balking at going to the gym. But we had conversations roughly once a week about it for a few weeks, until I understood that this would become a dealbreaker for him unless I did something,” she continues.
“And all his points were very valid. I was on a fast track to diabetes, heart disease, and other very serious health consequences. But not only was I jeopardizing my own health, I was jeopardizing the health of my relationship. He didn’t want to spend his weekends indoors. He wanted to go out and experience the world. He was getting healthy and he was full of energy. He wanted a real partner, not just a wife. And he wanted me to be that partner. While he could easily hike and bike and swim by himself, or with a friend but he wanted most to do those things with me. He told me I was his favorite person in the world.”
Do you think it’s fair for a partner to feel troubled by their significant others weight gain? Let us know what you think.
