21 things you’re guaranteed to hear at a Beyoncé concert

Beyoncé it isn't so!

The big deal herself is in town at the moment, getting ready to play a show in Croke Park and we are all truly beside ourselves with excitement and anticipation. There's a certain type of person that goes to a Beyoncé concert, meaning there's a particular type of conversation you can expect to hear while she's performing. Here's 21 things you're guaranteed to hear at Beyoncé's concert.

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1. We should've paid a bit extra for those fancy seats up there, you'd have no queue for the toilet. 2. Raging they confiscated my naggin on the way in, €8 that cost me! 3. Is that Jay Z over there beside the stage? He has some neck. 4. She must have Irish heritage, sure isn't there a fada in her name. 5. I hope she sings Single Ladies. I'm ringing my ex during it and telling him to go fuck himself. 6. Serious figure on her, she's been at the CrossFit I'd say. 7. Did you check us in on Facebook? Be sure and tag Beyoncé as well. 8. Her father's meant to be an awful eejit isn't he? I'd say this song is about him. 9. It's essentially a swimming togs she's on. Few sequins as well, but the bones of it is a togs. 10. Kicking myself I didn't buy one of those pink cowboy hats on the way in now. 11. I wonder where she's staying tonight, will she hit the town do you think? 12. I will in my eye be paying €15 for a t-shirt. You'd make a better one yourself at home. 13. She'd hardly do a Destiny's Child number, would she? Bring out the two girls? No, stop. I'd lose my life. 14. I wish I could be famous enough to just have one name. Not sure Mairéad is a cool as Beyoncé though. 15. No fear of my sister beating up someone in a lift for me. 16. To be fair it's mostly men that are actually running the world. 17. Actually bursting myself for the toilet now, I'm using the mens, fuck it. 18. Don't know why people are always on about her thighs, her entire body is the width of one of my thighs! 19. €50 for a pair of those Ivy Park leggings I saw the other day. It's a racket. 20. Look at all she's achieved by 34. I hate myself. 21. God forgive me but if this is the kind of album she writes after Jay Z cheats on her, didn't it do her no harm?