Day 11.
Spade a spade, last night’s episode was a bit boring. There wasn’t as much drama as we’ve gotten used to, it was mostly just the effects of the events of the night before spilling over, with Eyal finally clocking that he’d been tricked into having a bullshit conversation so that Alex could chat to Megan. He sniffed Adam’s bracelet, FFS. Alarm bells should’ve been ringing.
Still, we mustn’t complain. Love Island is still the most important thing on telly at the moment. World Cup? No. Sorry, haven’t heard of it.
I won’t lie, it was tough pulling six moments out of last night’s show. But I managed. Hero? I mean, yes, I guess so. If the shoe fits.
Here’s six key moments you might’ve missed.
1. Jack made a balls of everything, literally and metaphorically
Eyal never would’ve known that Alex was chatting to Megan after Love Island‘s most stealth operation of 2018. It all could’ve remained a perfect secret, but Jack went and made a balls of absolutely everything. Ironically, he was cupping his at the time when he told Eyal that Alex wanted to get to know Megan and had been trying to do so, at any cost. Eyal was so furious, he almost threw his shoulder-resting jumper on the ground, but he didn’t because it’s 100 percent cashmere and would be a nightmare to clean. Instead, he got angry and confronted Alex. Jack has ruined everything and now he needs to wash his hands of it all (both literally and metaphorically).
2. One of Dani’s hands is significantly more tanned than the other
This is a breaking news story and we’ll bring you more as it develops. What we know so far is that Dani Dyer (21), daughter of Danny Dyer, appears to have an uneven level of hand tanning taking place. This may have accumulated over a number of days, or simply could appear to be the case as a result of the lighting techniques used in the villa, along with the camera settings and colour correction methods applied. It’s too early to jump to conclusions, but as a renowned journalism institution, we vow to bring you the full details of this story as soon as it becomes clear. Stick with us for all the latest breaking news. Thank you.
3. Jack’s face, upon realising that he had ballsed everything up, was exceptional
Honestly, all is forgiven. Jack may have been the catalyst in Eyal figuring out that he was tricked into a pointless conversation, but the comic value of his expression when Eyal went off was second to none. Look at his nose, it’s scrunched up like discarded wrapping paper on Christmas morning. You can see all of his teeth. He’s scratching a non-existent itch. In that moment, Jack wants to die. He wants the villa’s refurbished decking to swallow him up, teeth and all. That’s why we watch Love Island. For moments like this. Jack may have ballsed everything up, but he’s carried the weight of it very well.
4. The villa is still under a very real threat of burglary
These clowns need to shut the damn door. It’s getting ridiculous. When they wake up, it’s open, when they go to bed, it’s open. The door never closes and they’re going to be burgled. Perhaps a robbery is precisely what it’s going to take for them to learn their lesson here. We need to pay some actors to go into the villa and steal everything. Hair extensions, teeth whitening strips, cartons of juice, everything. The islanders will have nothing left, at which point we’ll reveal that it was a fake burglary. They can get their stuff back if the vow to close the damn door and also if Eyal promises to leave because he’s really annoying. Small price to pay, TBH.
5. Wes texts like your Mum
The couples had to pick the two couples they felt were least compatible in the villa. After much deliberation and a solid amount of backstabbing, they all reached their decisions. Laura appointed Wes as the text message sender of their couple, at which point it became clear that Wes texts like a Mum. Two hands, one behind the phone to support it, then using his Peter pointer finger to type the message. Wes is a 48-year-old mother of two. Is Laura going to dump him after seeing this revealing display? Or will she adapt to her new life with a wife and kids? I truly hope she pies him off. He doesn’t deserve love, not when he sends a text like that.
6. Hayley also texts like a 48-year-old mother of two
Right is this a prank or something? Was Hayley even texting or was she figuring out some stuff that’s been bothering her? Either way, nobody under the age of 40 in the year of our Lord 2018 texts like that. Hayley and Wes are trolling us. They’re roleplaying as Mams, despite their phones not having little cases that open like a book, nor do they have their reading glasses nearby to rest on the tip of their noses. If the winner of Love Island ends up being someone that texts like a Mum, we’re cancelling the show and it’s never returning. Text like a normal person. One-handed, three fingers behind the phone, pinky finger supporting it at the bottom and allowing your thumb to do the typing. These people are disgusting. Get a clue!
Images via ITV
